Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Mooch!!!

Smirnoff. Who on God's green earth would drink a Smirnoff? I mean it is literally so sweet that it can cause a gut to rot in three sips. Who's mind developed this diabolical drink....and moreover where can I find them and force feed them their own evil concoction (over/under on how many they can actually drink is four....place your bets now!!)

Now....I realize that to women this is like the sweet nectar and ambrosia only reserved for the greek gods...but no man would ever dream of touching the stuff....right????

A girl leaves it in my fridge because it is too sweet for even her. Fast forward 24 hours....after a long day of work said girl now wants a little drinkie-poo because her day sucked. "Well come on over! You still have your Smirnoff in my fridge.....or does she????

Now, the mystery begins. You try to think back through the fog that was your night and figure out what could have happened. Well.... Smirnoff tastes like genuine and pure evil in a bottle so you wouldn't drink it even if that "Saw" guy told you to in his creepy ass voice. And she left it in the fridge...you definitely remember watching her walk away *wink*, and everyone else at the party had their own beer....except...no....he wouldn't have....THE MOOCH!!!

"The Mooch" is most definitely that guy. Nobody really invited him. How did he find out about this party? Somehow he figured out where and when the party was through divination or some other black art, but he didn't quite find out that it was BYOB....how convenient. Except nobody is willing to give him anything to drink...cuz he's "The Mooch", and we all guard our cases like a pit bull guards his food dish. Inadvertent bites may happen but its worth it to teach "The Mooch" a lesson. But he is a sneaky little minx and finds a stash of drinks in a fridge in a room away from the party....jackpot. He quickly pilfers these libations and returns to the party a little tipsy and feeling good. And nobody is the wiser....until the next night....and Smirnoff is missing....and there is an angry girl....but "The Mooch" has again vanished into his hole....waiting for the next Mike's Hard Lemonade or Zima to fall into his grasp.


  1. Nice blog man. I didn't know you blogged. Your next blog should be about how the Raiders might actually be back to the glory days...oh wait, that will still be some time. Haha, but nice blog man.

  2. Perfection as per usual! Love it :)