What is a snapchat???

Now this is going to date me (as if using that phrase doesn't).

So, it happened. I have become that guy. The worst part about being that guy is you don't even know you are that guy....or perhaps that is the best part. Ignorance in this case really may have been bliss.

I was happy once. I thought I knew things. I play video games. I have the newest phone. I bought a new laptop. I have a tablet. I knew things. Then one night of excitement shattered my world of glass into a thousand pieces. It was admittedly a small world...only a thousand pieces, but it was mine. And I thought I knew things.

Forget "that night". Let's back up even further. Years ago I realized I wasn't aging well. I pulled my hamstring....lots of times....in a single summer...pulled it so bad it bruised my entire leg....it was not pretty even though I was secretly proud of it!!! But I was aging. Not just in body but in mind.

It was already happening I'm sure long before I realized it. I was turning into my dad. I didn't mean for that to sound like an insult. He's a great guy whom I along with everyone really truly loves and respects. I only mean to say that I was already considering new music to be terrible and too loud.

And that's a bad feeling the first time...when you hear about some hiphop artist that did something stupid on MTV and you have no idea who that person is or exactly what they did (what is twerking??) It's a bad feeling...the first time. Now it has become an everyday occurrence. Who these people are and why they are famous I will never understand (what is a kardashian anyway?)

Anywho, you get the gist of who I have become. And with that realization I aged in my mind. And I was ok with where I was. I'm too old for hiphop...I'm ok with that.

Then "that night" happened. There I was with my girlfriend. Watching a hockey game. Happy. Then it happened. A girl right in front of me took a picture of herself. Then a minute later took another....then another from a slightly different angle...then another from above....then another with a friend...then another with a weird ducklike face....then another...then with a hat on. I was confused.

To my girlfriend I could only utter single words or parts of words "Wah?" "Why?" "Huh?" "The hell?"

She just uttered a single word, "Snapchat."

Like THAT answered my question. I have so many more questions now. "What in theee hell is a Snapchat?"

The Gal-Pal

We've all seen him. We've all felt sorry for him. Hell...most of us have been him at one point or another. You know him by the fact that he's standing next to all the girls before they all hand their purses over to him as they hit the dance floor. That's right...he's "The Gal-pal".

This poor poor fella is sadly mistaken into thinking that he has a shot with these girls because he is being so very nice. Not so my good man. If you had a shot...it was a looooong time ago way before the girls put you in charge of baggage claim.

Here's how it happens.

You run into the cute harpy that you met last week in the bar. You make small talk and start thinking she is suuuper into you...she even said it was nice to meet you (and nobody would say that unless they had very serious feelings)!!!! Before you know it you are telling her about this party you are going to this weekend and she and her friends should come. They do...but forget their wallets (enter pouting face) for a beer cup...no worries you will be her knight in shining armor and purchase a glass of the godly nectar for them (then they will definitely like you).

Next thing you know they need a ride home and you are the nicest guy they know and so you give them a lift. But wait a minute...no kiss...no flirting...dude...you are a glorified taxi cab with a party hookup for them. Stop running errands...stop fixing their computers...stop refilling their keg cup...trust me she isn't interested...she just likes the fact that you will do anything for her. So...instead focus on that girl that is jealous of all the attention you are throwing at the harpy and introduce yourself...bring her a cup...see what happens.

Now, I'm sorry to say that at one point in my own life I was a "Gal-Pal-User"....now this is where a girl uses her own Gal-Pal to get you something. I'm not proud of this but it was nice to just have this poor chap bring me beer....haha....yeah I can see the appeal ladies, but it's not mean to tell a girl to refill a cup herself. It's 2010 and girls almost make as much money as men!!! Feminism women! You can do it....I believe in you!!

The Professionals

Every REAL man alive enjoys sports. Enjoys them in every sense of the word. We enjoy watching them and talking about them. We have created networks (yes..that is plural) and magazines dedicated to them. Sports in general are one of the ties that bind men. If you are just about to meet your girlfriend's father, at least all guys know we can find a common thread through sports to get through this unbearable and awkward night.

But even more important than all of the above....men love to play sports. I write play because this is as close to childhood laughing and fun that a man can get. The intention of sports is to be fun through competition, but everyone knows "That Guy." The overbearing and over aggressive types that go too far.

"That Guy" comes in two forms. First, the super aggressive player that is there only to win (or make little children cry.) The guy that in a pickup game of basketball is talking trash and tackling people during warm-ups just to "get into their head." The guy that is out there to throw people to the ground to establish is interior dominance.

To that guy, I say watch out...because as sure as I am breathing there will be a crotch shot heading your way (So what if we were on the same team, I didn't like the way he was talking about your mother either) At least now we know you will no longer be passing your low intellect on through procreation.

The other version of "That Guy" stems from a missed chance to play sports in their younger years. They become over bearing and generally get too invested in these simple games. They are the ones that show up to a game of two-hand-touch football in pads and football cleats (so he can out run and out corner the defense.) Come on...we are hear for fun Rudy (catch that one??). Do we really need full pads to run around for a half hour and joke and play?

When playing...try not to take the game so seriously. Have a beer or two during softball. It's not going to affect your swing (and if it does...to be honest it could only help.) We really just feel sorry for this guy. You can barely carry all those pads much less run and jump. Why try so hard when you really still run like a girl (even worse when trying to carry all those pads)? So buck up there Sally and drop the pads...grab a brew....and enjoy the afternoon with the boys. You'll be back home getting harped on by the girlfriend soon enough...try to at least enjoy your time with the guys.

Yeah....Sports can be the things that bring all men together...assuming that you just don't take yourself or the game too seriously.